SONG!

I wrote these lyrics a few weeks ago, and the fact that I can read over them now and not completely hate them must be a good sign.

Mistakenly,
You liked me.
From the moment that you saw me and I knew.
I knew you would, but it felt good,
To have you look at me and linger.

And that day,
The day it rained, when we just lay,
in the backseat of your parent's van,
Your hand,
Between my knees, and your eyes on me.
While I pretended to be sleeping.

The birds know you better than I do now,
When they sit up on your sill.
And the distance just keeps growing bigger,
and I'm counting down for you.
But the trees are bending over,
just for you to climb,
And I'd do anything to lift you off that ground.

Mistakenly,
He loved me.
But you loved right through my middle and well now,
there's hollow space, and god it aches,
When I think of how you care for me.
And you hands,
Your hands had held, me as I fell,
I had fainted by the taxi.
It was love,
Between the sheets, with snowing streets,
Making shadows on your curtains.

And the birds see you more than I do now,
When they sit up on your sill.
And the distance just keeps growing bigger,
but I'm counting down for you.
But the trees are bending over,
just for you to climb,
I'd do anything to lift you off that ground.

Act of Contrition - Bright Eyes

The air was all dust, a night so untamed
The ground opened up and swallowed all of the rain
and it swallowed you too -- into distance unknown
As they sat down for dinner they waited for you to get home
yeah, they set a place for you.

So don't believe everything that you read, in that diary of yours.
And this nervousness, it isn't all your fault
it's just these shaking hands won't do what I want them to.
And I've tried to guess what it is you thought about
that act of contrition that rolled off our tongues as you wept,
what are you crying for?

Just dust my heart and you will find
there are no fingers printed there
just the untouched place that lies inside
of every lonely boy tonight.

And all this open air has caused me to choke
on your new-found hope for me.

Some of my favorite ever lyrics... I know; not the most cheery of songs. I think he is an incredible lyricist, despite how hideously depressing his subject matter seems to be.

Things that make me happy.

I'm not going to lie, I've had a rough year. I've been struggling with a massive amount of change... some of it good, some of it bad, but all of it confusing and hard to process. Tonight, I found myself shut away in my room, nursing the hangover of a lifetime and feeling extremely pathetic. Unfortunately, being the emotional basket case that I am, I seem to only be capable of intense downward spirals of depression when I allow my thoughts get too intense, so in an attempt to distract myself, I trolled through the 606 photos I have stored on my iphone (most of which are from drunken adventures that I don't remember taking). Now, a mere twenty minutes later, I feel much happier. I am so lucky in so many ways, and sometimes I just need to be reminded. I've decided to break my blogging tradition, and create a post consisting of a few things that comfort me... purely for my own enjoyment, of course.


Cider times with my girl.

My beautiful brother.


My fox.

Me and my Mill.


My awesome jumper.


My nearest and dearests.



These are the things that make me happy.

The hours.

"I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. I live with it too."

"I am to be broken. I am to be derided all my life. I am to be cast up and down among these men and women, with their twitching faces, with their lying tongues, like a cork on a rough sea. Like a ribbon of weed I am flung far every time the door opens."

"…this body, with all its capacities, seemed nothing — nothing at all. She had the oddest sense of being herself invisible; unseen; unknown; there being no more marrying, no more having of children now, but only this astonishing and rather solemn progress with the rest of them"

All quotes by Virginia Woolf. I swear her words speak directly to my heart.

Self portrait - Pen and watercolour

From me for mine.

I've always struggled with staying motivated when it comes to exploring creatively. I'm not sure why, but I assume it has a lot to do with the fact that I have the attention span of a 2 year old, and also the fact that if I make a mistake I give up altogether. Without a doubt, the best thing about my house is my lovely housemates, as I'm lucky enough to live with two of the kindest souls I've ever come across. One of these girls is my best friend, who I adore beyond belief and cherish a great deal. The other is her sister, who I also love with all my heart and who shares my interest in art.
Living with these two girls, I've been encouraged to persevere more with my own works. They distract me and make me giggle so often that I find it easier to ignore my self destructive thoughts, which would normally make me bail on a painting halfway through. Recently we had a CRAFTSPLOSION, which mainly involved making a complete mess of the kitchen table, listening to music, and not talking for hours because we were concentrating so hard. It was partly thanks to the wine, but I managed to do a few different things that I'm pretty happy with.

Another reasonably new one. Pretty simple but I've only recently really gotten a hold of the whole "less is more" concept, and now I'm paranoid about wrecking things.

Something.

Finally. FINALLY. I seem to have regained the ability to create something that I can not only complete, but more importantly am satisfied with. I am now intent on completing a series of similar works that I will hopefully feel the same way about. I've missed the feeling of finishing something.

This little picture was a little less time consuming, as I got pretty impatient when I got about half way through. Still, I think it turned out okay. I tried really hard to give her intense eyes, that for once weren't mysteriously twice the size they should or would be. Anyway, here it is.

Best words.

No I am not where I belong
bring me your love
tonight

- Dallas Green, As much as I ever could.